so i used to love airports for the escalators... now its the bars... then the escalators after the bars
You have to stop getting hammered and preaching about that mission trip to Haiti.
Now that you're back together are you gonna tell him you set his stuff on fire?
Her life is filled with shit luck. Its like mother nature is having her period and just taking it out on her specifically.
Just had the moment before I realised I'd packed you off in an ambulance last night after funnel-feeding you Monster and vodka. Your mom thinks I'm a dick doesn't she?
so the x-ray technician didnt buy my story of falling off a curb. she said a fall of that height couldnt snap the bone that way. bitch called me a drunken idiot too. if she wasnt so hot i'd be angry
it was good sex until i became a rubber doll and he became a jack hammer, so i guess overall it was good
I can't wait till they start promoting the testiciplasty. Turn those old prunes into fresh tight kiwis!
The amount of knuckle children I've had to the Farrah Abraham sex tape is disturbing and impressive
I just almost puked & then I panicked and forced it back down because I thought I would be a waste of the apple turnover I ate.. I'm that hungover
Omg I can't even...
Wait..I'm drunk and butt naked making a pizza. Happy Wednesday.
My skirt was too short for the church and I brought my flask to the Scrooge play. God bless us, everyone!
Yes dating, but it seems easier to just live in a perpetual state of Netflix, internet porn, and cheese.
He's hot....knda sweaty, drunk smells like feet....but he's hung like a whale....so in other words totally your type
I need someone to sew my vagina shut until I'm responsible enough to use it
Randomize
