.....so he has a son. Josh. That is not his roommate
I just found three unopened cans of PBR behind our futon that I think I was saving for winter.
i was focused on more important things... like standing, and not spilling my beer
we usually just have an Easter beer hunt and never end up at church anyways
It was like riding a jackhammer on a train during an earthquake. THAT amazing.
You have dresses for different occasions. I need different men's dicks too. It's logic.
I ended up passing out on the shitter for like an hour with mcds smoothie all over my face
They're showing aladdin at the bar my birthday is complete
The cops came, and I made friends with him. He wants me to babysit his kids.
I just sneeze out a chunk of leftover pickle I threw up last night. dont you try and tell me your day is going worse
i got woken up by a cockroach crawling onto my hand and now i'm pretty sure i'll never be clean again
Its 9 am & i've been cleaning for 6 hours now with occasional crying bursts and two cocktails. Adulting 101.
He showed up to my apt at 6am wearing a suit and holding a bag of coke....how could I not let him in?
Who in their right mind would frost a cake with their butt?
He was out clubbing with his SON. WHY did you let me KISS HIM? Also WHERE WAS HIS SON?!
Randomize
