Guess what? I had way too much to drink today. I'm properly wasted. Doing chores and playing video games while drunk. It's the nexus of stupidity and responsibility.
If you really hate me that much, you need to stop letting me put my penis inside of you. It sends the wrong message.
would it be rude to tell a homeless man that he should sell the lebron jersey and brand new nikes he's wearing if he's really that hungry
She said her tits were too big, and he slapped her. He said that Jesus didn't appreciate bitches that fish for compliments
Never again. Her vagina looked like a sad old man.
I think if I could use my boobs as a second pair of hands everything would be ok
its sad that I know 23 beers will fit into my purse
the only good thing about breaking up with him while naked was that i got to make a forgetting sarah marshall reference
Trust me man, I did not put any cookies down your pants when you slept.
All I know is that I woke up in a soccer players' dorm, and he said that I kept telling him my mouth was a "net for his balls" last night at the bar..
I'm just saying; the box truck will cost less then dorms or rent, and we can always crash where the party is.
You spent like 10 minutes trying to hit a golf ball that was actually a cigarette butt. And then fell over.
I'm shopping for Mother's Day cards while waiting for my herpes medication. What is life.
We were gonna go out drinking tonight but she found out she's pregnant so are you free
Sorry I trained your dog in Spanish last night. At least he listens to someone now.
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