he was CRYING into my vagina
Goldfish can't live in a bowl filled with tequila, lesson learned.
high in an attic. pig roast in 10.
Only I can have a panic attack in the back seat of a cop car and have them move me to the front seat.
Ok now a guy in a winnie the pooh costume is grinding on some chick to the song shots
my friend thinks you're hot & wants to fuck you ps i'm my friend
I. Did. In fact. Sprain. My liver. This. Weekend.
Haha I haven't even had my interview yet and I'm already trying to fuck my way to the top. 'Merica.
Do you think it's safe to mix miralax with a tequila sunrise?
I looked so sad that Jessica gave me a bar of soap. So that's where I'm at.
The bar tender had his entire hand down your asscrack.
I forgot about that. I was in MULTIPLE dimensions.
I'm in the upstairs bathroom. I went to the bathroom after class and realized this is not a shit I want to have publicly. I ran home. We can go to lunch, just give me a min
all i remember is arguing with the chick that yahoo was better than google
all you were doing was yelling YAHOOOOO in her face
so i won
At least your wife cheated on you. Women will feel bad for you. In a month there will boy bands that are jealous of your dick
Bruh. You offered the cashier tater tots that you had stuffed in your pocket.
Yeah, and? She might've been hungry.
Randomize
