Why did I wake up this morning with 10 tally marks on my hand and a penis drawn on my tits?
Just woke up and stopped at the WaWa in Virginia. Had major morning wood and didn't try to hide it when walking around. So many awkward stares.
just spent all of my last class as a college student, vomiting in the bathroom. its moments like these i will cherish
Putting the hydrocodone in Pez dispensers. Do you want Speedy Gonzales or Darth Vader?
Shes been standing with her arms crossed in front of the mirror for 45 minutes...she told me she's "getting sober"
I AM SAFE. EVERYTHING IS FOG. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED.
Hurricane Sex Time is the only thing iv said since it started.
One small step for man, one big gay fierce leap for gays!
apparently while i was high i thought that putting a dinosaur temporary tattoo on my inner thigh would keep me from taking my pants off and having sex with him...
...it didn't...
He called his dick "The Beast" and said he lived "The Beast Life". He was pretty but it was better if he didn't talk.
One of the finest moments in my life was when I was puking in between my legs as I was shitting, and thought to myself "hmm this shall be called shomiting."
Oh the best part of having sex with him was that he made me a smoothie after
the gnome is staring at me and the pineapple is wearing shorts. I don't want to do this anymore.
The first thing he said was that my underwear smelled like Trix but then he looked up at me and whispered "Silly rabbit, vagina is for me."
Let's not forget that we had sex on the ground in public tonight.
Randomize
