Dogs love guiness but it fucks up their kidneys
I picked my nose. Flicked it. I heard it hit something. Next thing I know, it's floating around in my wine glass.
9 am. shotgunning while conditioning my hair. i love college football season.
I developed a drinking game for WoW. Everytime I die, I take a shot.
Please get laid.
There is a different car in my driveway. Have no clue how I got home.
he came within less than a minute of me blowing him. this was our second night hanging out in a row. for an almost 30 year old italian man, he is NOT living up to his country's reputation
I just feel as thought we should spend the day in which we celebrate relationships the same as how we started them. Drunken hook ups.
No, this is non-alcoholic oatmeal.
I vaguely remember you trying to make me a casserole with marshmallows and a can of beer.
Call me when you get up. This hang-over is like dismantling a bomb: I need someone to talk me through it.
Did you seriously just hashtag my sex life as #yolo2013?
I made one of my coworkers cheers to me not being pregnant. I've never talked to him before tonight. Keeping it classy.
When a best friend shows up on a tricycle with a case a beer and goes "get on loser" you get on, because there is a magical adventure afoot
He's like a father figure to me, except we have casual drunk sex every now and then
I am googling "notable people who had syphilis"
Randomize
