New Low: Just set a reminder on my phone for me to check on things I need to harvest late on Farmville.
I just turned in a 4 page paper spelling absolute as "absolut" every single time. I'm an alcoholic
and then he put stevie wonder on to fuck to...and hummed along as I blew him
I really wasn't that bad. I thought I was pretty tame.
When Anthony passed out you poured vodka on his face
FYI I just found your friend. Asleep. In. My. Kayak. In. Pool.
Just so you know, this text is a buffer between the two guys I'm sexting. Can't get that shit messed up.
Well I think it's fate. Considering march is my fave month because it's my birthday and st. Patrick's day. And his name is Patrick. I'm sleeping with him all through march. No question.
Why yes. I did get laid looking like that. My sheets look like there was a clown orgy
Easy Mac and you are the sexiest things in my life
Bought a gym bag tonight. Used it to bring my Taco Bell in the house.
Checking out a dudes' nachos instead of the dude #foreveralone
By talk things out did he mean have passionate angry sex?
There are footprints all over my windshield
You said you were making waffles...
I woke up using a beer can as a pillow. successful party?
If I didn't have booty calls, my apartment would never get clean
Randomize
