He asked if it was my vagina. I told him it was my butt. Clearly I need to buy him a map of the female form.
You didn't have enough money so you tried to convince the cashier that "four dollar foot long" rolled off the tongue better. Stop drinking. Immediately.
He has crabs, not bed bugs. I recommend incoporating a clinic on this mornings walk of shame route.
I got kicked out of a mexican restaurant last night for being too drunk. This is getting dangerously close to rock bottom
Fuckkkk i made out with a freshman.....but he's old for his age. THIS IS WHAT HAPPENS WHEN YOURE NOT AROUND.
Someone tried to flush pizza down the toilet. Well, at least tried to
Doing laundry, just found a knob off your stove in my pants pocket. I don't know.
if you spike my cofee one more time im gona fuck you up. im presenting to the mayor in sevven fucking minuets. fuck you and youir fucking bartending classses i am so fuckign fcked
your ex girlfriend just barged in my house, drunk, mumbled something about "car strip", and put a huge hole in my drywall with her head.
seriously though if NH has the largest penis size... the rest of America must be very disappointed.
It's six am and her daughter just walked in on her mom and roomful of naked people playing strip spoons. glad Im apart of that childhood memory....
As I took my shirt off he commented on how great my boobs where. I responded with "thanks, I grew them myself"
dude, totally just walked home...using pizza as gloves
New life goal: Sex in a parking lot surrounded by a circle of fire.
Hot or not, she’s from Boston. It’s hard to nut when she sounds like Mark Wahlberg
Randomize
