Last-second stop at the drug store for lube and condoms. Clerk said "So uhmmm...that's a done deal, huh?"
High five!
I passed out in the VIP room and she charged me for 17 songs until I woke up, theres a bouncer asking me for $700, fuck tequila
They had to restock the bar 3 times before midnight. There is a bridesmaid dress hanging in a tree outside.
Just found puke on my backpack while sitting in class. It's like this weekend won't leave me alone.
I feel choking has become trendy-- ita losing its effect. I may just have to go back to missionary to spice it up
He was president of his frat and had a clap on disco ball in his room... or course I slept with him
you crashed our wine night double date and sat on the floor eating cheese talking about how big his dick is.
When you get to his house tomorrow, follow your instincts. Find the cat first.
Telling someone to make good decisions on a Thursday is like telling Santa to be Jewish.
I started having a bad trip because I closed my eyes and got lost in a forest of patterns and I knew my mom would be upset.
So I got lost trying to find you guys and ended up proposing to a bride in a bachelorette party with a condom.
He held the kayak still so I wouldn't tip over while projectile vomiting. If that ain't true love, I don't know what is...
I almost got on a bus to Langley Air Force Base. 99% sure that's not where I wanna be.
I'm fucking blazing boy. 5hr weed sauce kicked in and my entire face feels like an 8ball of gold bond flying down a mountain of Fresh powder. Just gliding.
I think our maternal nature is best focused on grown ass men and cats.
Randomize
