this guy jus got head in a gas station bathroom from this fat chick with one leg
gross dude. was the guy blacked out drunk or something?
yeah and it only cost me 6 dollars
i just realized that the oil change sticker on my windshield is a day before the last time i had sex. I've driven exactly 10500 miles since.
you need to get laid.. and an oil change.
i was staring at it trying to desperately see a vagina
do you actually have a paper bowl full of broken glass and ecstasy or was that just a dream?
So I vaguely remember making out with you this morning, I think you were on a date?
No, I left myself a half eaten cucumber and a beer next to my head, pointed at it and said 'you're breakfast' and then passed out.
He kept calling my vagina a magic clam, and it was speaking to him, telling him to feed it his penis. I played along.
She told me she was eating frosting, then I got the weirdest boner ever
I am pretty sure we beat baby seals over the head in a past life. That is why we are being punished.
You were drunk it couldn't have been that bad
I've never been drunk enough to enjoy getting a blister on my dick.
I need a costume
Dude just wear a bra or something hahaha
I'm now at a gay bar with our relatives
So, if you were also having sex around 11pm, then we were legitimately being penetrated at the exact same time. That is amazing. We are soul sisters.
Tell me you're alive little brother. And please tell me you didn't get arrested. You made no fucking sense last night in your random texts and pictures you were sending me.
I just want to get high and watch Dr. Pimple Popper.
Randomize
