So you know how craigslist used to have an "erotica" section? And how after you click on a link it changes a darker color? And how Dad stays up really late most nights?
Oh god... well at least he's gettin some. Mom's a prude.
she sang that "this little piggy song" to my balls. and somehow made it work, with me only having two balls instead of five.
Seriously, stop peeing all over the toilet seat. It looks like movie theatre butter.
As im putting my laundry in the machine, i find a solo cup and a pong ball that i signed babe ruth
Eating Doritos is not nearly as enjoyable when I'm not drunkenly feeding them to peacocks.
She deep throated me and when I woke up she made me pizza. I was full of emotions I started to cry.
I realized I'm gonna have to fit cheating on my gf, sleeping with my gf and having dinner with her parents all into one Sunday evening
Is it appropriate to put "Mommy and Daddys shitfaced-ness that led to Aubrey" on a birth announcement?
Well you two just had a kid in the middle of college, I dont think anyone will notice.
Thanks bro
I'm posted up in the bathroom at au bon pain, high as balls, experimenting with eyeshadow combinations and listening to 90s jlo. The girl in the stall next to me just plopped a big one and I laughed, hope I ruined her day
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
Oh that's what I forgot last night.. To make out with her.
Then that means he's outwardly conservative. Inwardly he's a total gay horndog. He's like a spy that can ruin conservative plans.
I want to change all my life goals to that.
YOUR VAGINA IS SO CUTE IT'S LIKE A LITTLE MACAROON
Nothing like ripping open the box with your keys on a sat R train and throwing back the morning after pill with some coconut water on my way to work at a fitness studio for free
I have only been here for a week and might contributed to a dumpster fire on accident.
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