drinking colt 45 because lando calrissian told me to
Let's just say there's a reason that "suede" rhymes with "laid".
I told her the white crusty stuff on my boxers was frosting not cum. She seemed MORE grossed out then
She was pretty drunk. It was like watching a puppy explore the world for the first time.
I'm doing homework tonight but if you end up going out drinking I would like one courtesy peer pressure text.
The stripper just invited me to take shots with him out at his car after he gets off stage.. I mean why not? I've already seen everything he's got and it'll be easy to get him naked.
Gym?
Sweet baby Jebus, no. I'm Motley Crue hungover. This must be how it feels to rail a line of ants.
You were riding my three year old's train yelling, 'I think I can, I think I can!!'
I thought I could.
Well he can play the xylophone with his erect cock... So he's got that going for him
The alcohol just runs so smoothly thru my veins.
He told me I was his first American. I feel like I should've brought a flag to plant on him.
She looks like a beluga.
I want to splash her with water and when she screams say "I didn't want you to die. You looked parched"
"he sent me a picture of a puppy in return for a picture of my boobs. He then captioned it with "look it's puppies first time at the beach". "
Sorry about my sloppy drunk texts. I'm not sure talking about banging a near dead Jimmy Stewart was my finest moment
YOUUUU FUCKING FURRYYYY
I DIDN'T COME HERE TO BE SLANDERED LIKE THIS
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