what made you think it was a good idea to trust the girl that hides tequila in her backpack?
I'm at the house listening to vengaboys alone. Please come home.
How come ATM is perfectly acceptable, yet not washing your hands after you poo is socially reprehensible?
he drove an hour to get eggs with me not even a blow job, just eggs.
we are cloud gazing and there is one that looks like a giant baby riding a dolphin and smoking a joint
i wish there was a reasonable explanation for why this reminds me of you
He was a bulldog and my face was like rare meat. Never again with the drunken ones.
Life lesson: When you compete in an impromptu "bloody mary chug-off," in the end, no one wins.
What can I say? When alcohol is my motivation, I can move mountains.
Dont tell her I prefer to have an aura of mystique surronding me and my penis.
I woke up and the only 2 bowls I own were shattered on my floor. Pretty sure my hand and tailbone are broken and I have no idea what the fuck happened
Can I steal her, take her home, and feed her only vodka?
I woke up in a tutu and topless. How was your night?
Friends don't let friends put redi whip in their wine
Ok because I want to set a new world record for how fast I can drink away my Christmas money
IT'S LIKE LOOKING INTO GOD'S VAGINA!!!!
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