broke, out of weed, out of gas, out of food, and my gf just left me.
you're writing country songs now?
if my vagina gave out awards, he should be preparing acceptance speaches for the oscar, the heisman and the nobel peace prize.
If i die in the snow, get to my laptop and delete all of the nickelback. password is "barry"
as in "white"?
All signs point to mom being high. 1) making chicken at 2 am. 2) dancing to smooth jazz. 3) she asked where the peanut butter was
Now he's lighting his socks on fire
I am still sore from last night. I can't wait for you to meet my parents.
I saw a picture of my dad holding my legs in a kegstand. Town festival=success.
I'm just over here all sober hanging with two high people talking about how they're "free-spirited stallions."
He wanted to have sex in a church because he has keys to it from court-ordered community service. WHAT IS STANDARDS?
want to know what my life has come to? I just took a 45 min shower banging on the walls and making loud sex noises so my neighbors think I get some.
Worrying about "What smells like cat pee?" is so much easier than worrying about "What am I doing with my life?"
we broke the bed, curtan rods, a dresser drawer, and unless I didn't notice it before, we put a hole in the wall. This is why he and I have to fuck in motels.
that sounds horrible...
what could possibly go wrong attempting to re-enact the dinosaur capture scene from Jurrasic Park... I have the net gun and camcorder you have the dino costume and can run
Don't do tequila. The Devil himself spits into shot glasses and we call it tequila. You will do bad things.
I ate her out and told her she tasted like pumpkin pie. She screamed that she hated pumpkins and started to cry
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