the guy in front of me just bought a pound of bacon, a bouquet, and a case of budlight, i want to see THAT makeup sex
I'm like a warm blanket that has sex with you
dinner with the girl I motorboated last semester wasn't as awkward as I thought it would be
I just cleaned your Jaeger vomit off my car with a knife. Don't ever say I don't love you.
Hes the only one i know who can talk to a girl for an entire hour abuot the science in starwars and still get laid.
It's one of the many facets of my drunken alter egos. I'm like substance abuse batman.
Saw someone get laid in the bathroom no one was wearing shoes and I had a parrot on my shoulder...I never want to leave this bar
I can't believe that 100lb chick tackled me through a flight of stairs
Your French couch surfers have just started playing flip cup with old crow. Basically you need to come back here
Guess who just screamed "Everything happens for a reason!!" in the abortion clinic. This girl.
I'll make some time for you! I don't know how long you need to get off, but I should only need 2-7 minutes, pending what kind of socks I have on.
Using the money underagers give me to buy this semesters books.. My mom would be so proud
If I died tonight, I'd be content knowing you were the last person to see my boobs.
never planned on seeing last weekend's one night stand again, much less be on the same plane as him..
An old Grimace plushie came to life and gave me a pretty knife. I'm never doing acid again.
Randomize