I walked in on him cutting a hole in the condom.
there is a school bus full of santas parked in front of the liquor store
I figured out why her friends always say g is for god when she leaves with someone. She wears a double g cup bra
I can only take thier stupid "I think beauty school is for me" routine so long until I have to bitch slap them with some knowledge
I have migrated to the couch. Minimal movement is still happening, but I should be mobile enough to go to the liquor store by eight.......so that good.
Somewhere between the 30 minutes of cunnilingus, the improvised song about the Olympics, and the super thoughtful shower beer... I knew I married the right guy
I'm sorry. I just realized our 'big night out' ended up being you driving my high ass to get burritos and back.
I just got breakfast in bed and he went down on me. And you though he was a bad idea. Shame
He sat down, pointed at my Converse and said "I have the same shoes." I thought "I'm going to have sex with you by the end of the night."
Took my plan b at Costco today, sample Sunday for the win.
So apparently Facebook just randomly finds the girl who gave me a hard handy despite having no mutual friends...
I just lectured my ex boyfriend on how to eat a girl out what has my life come to
this is the second day the intern has gotten me coffee. he either wants to bang me or thinks I'm more important than I am.
either way he's in for disappointment
its a recording of you guys having sex?!
its actually 30 minutes of him begging and then 2 minutes of sex.
my friends roomated asked me this morning if we went to mcdonalds last night and i had no idea...that is until i checked my purse and found half a mcdouble in it...
Randomize
