Taylor Swift is so right about you.
I'll just wear something slutty to the liquor store and hope for the best
that's your solution for everything
My mom and I are having a "yay I don't have herpes" shopping trip day
He tried to cuddle with me after we hooked up and i just looked at him and said why are you still here?
I'm also 95% sure I had a conversation with someone on how hard it would be to jerk off with out opposable thumbs
Your lack of great college experience of margaritas and foam parties scares me
I have a meeting at work in an hour, I'm so hungover going outside is NOT happening there are roads and shit I'll totally get myself killed.
Ugh. This is the type of hangover that all other hangovers want to grow up to be.
Please do us both a favor and come rip my clothes off.
It started as ''I want a romantic life right now'' text. It ended with pool table sex.
I'll pretend I don't know she's blind, my morals claimed the back seat in this adventure.
Everyone's impressed that I actually got pee all over his car since I'm a girl and they're a little curious..
She referred to my balls as rotund and handsome
Hey! Happy Birthday! Could you do me a favor and bring my underwear to the bar?
I am texting my fuck buddy about fucking tonight, while facebook chatting with his wife about food.
Randomize
