my house keeper must think I'm a prostitute.
Yeah I'm pretty sure at one point I was telling her to keep her dick in her pants. She was going to do some serious damage.
We decided to go to McDs, but we only had a few minutes to make it to breakfast. We were sprinting full speed ahead when she tripped and you just yelled 'LEAVE HER' and kept your course.
Someone apparently named 'eleaw' just text me asking if I had fun last night.
I just want to curl up with him and brush his hair and sing love songs together, I think you should come over and end this
so hungover ... i gave my nephew five bucks to go blow bubbles for an hour in the kitchen.
eta to your mouth 5 minutes
i think he spiked my sandwich with a viagra
Talked to Nate, told him he was a douche. Will give details when sober. It's ok. You're my best friend together a wolf pack. Olive juice.
I had a drink called "the white nun." It tasted like Marshmallows, and celibacy.
Some male strippers are here, I threw pancakes at them. It's ok
I have no concept of chastity or moderation, she is a Catholic guilt poster child, how could I not try to hit that
i just love the holidays, i hotboxed a gingerbread house last night
He grabbed my tits and sang "you are so beautiful" to them before faceplanting into my chest
Dude what happened last night?
I don't know, I'm still trying to figure out how I got my clothes back on.
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