Are you seriously drinking already? It's 11AM. Still morning.
I'm going by McDonald's time. And since they stop serving breakfast at 10:30 and start serving lunch, it is now afternoon.
im dressed up like a present. waiting for someone to unwrap me ;)
this is your brother
How much cunt could a cunt bag punch if a cunt bag could punch cunt?
I need to not be around brick walls while intoxicated.
If im still in the bathroom puking when the sirens go off please distract the cops.
It's time to run my sex life like a basketball team. Got the lesson Clint!
I think my favorite day of the week is the day we get to fuck
Don't worry you weren't as drunk as you thought. You only fell 4 times.
Fyi - we're going to be eating those sandwiches in bed when you get home.
I'm gonna tell the medical examiner that your cause of death was over-arousal.
If not, I can murder my liver twice...it's like a cat, it has 9 lives
You’ll lick BBQ off my cock but no ketchup on a hotdog?
If i'm not ready, make sure i'm alive. Not passed out dead in the shower.
I'll still do breakfast to celebrate the life you've had.
Dear Andy-the problem is not that I slept with your girlfriend, it's that you didn't know she's a lesbian.
She's dancing around licking a fork of nutella. She is not sober.
Randomize
