I had a bacon mcgriddle for the first time today. It was like eating a baby angel.
wait so...it's like an actual thing to masturbate using the detachable shower head? WTF I thought I was being creative!
Just lit a joint with steel wool and a 9 volt battery... thank you 3rd grade science class
I have surprise drugs for everyone
I was wondering if I fell or perhaps got hit by a truck, then I remembered, it's cause I did a splits contest at the bar
You picked a jagger girl up claimed her then walked out the door with her that was the last we saw of you
Ps there is nothing more humbling in the world than havin to watch cheaper by the dozen on the waiting room tv while getting the morning after pill at the drs. Nothing
Halfway through he got an idea for a short story so he wrote it in magic marker on my boobs. Yeah, he's a keeper.
we left when one of the guys tried to stick himself with an IV that he found
Then he shook the next streetlight but this one broke and fell over. He told me, "This is the part where we run."
actually there are like 49038098 people in the bathroom for no reason. Singing My Heart Will Go On and pseudo fighting.
I slept with a Brazillian Man, That's why I'm Watching The World Cup
I think I had Hypothermia but was too drunk to notice.
I might be a bit longer... I found a hot guy at the grocery store, so I'm following him and buying stuff that he's buying
Fuck your bullshit loser kid and his gluten allergy.
Randomize
