If I ever start a band I'm gonna name it "Nancy Reagan's Vagina"
Giving the kids Children's Claritin and calling it candy.....Is it setting them up for drug abuse later?
I only have two new blunt burns this year as opposed to freshman year's 6. This is growing up.
she's throwing a head of lettuce everywhere shouting HEADS UP and trying to get us to play catch with her. i'm scared.
Did you guys have sex yet? And don't worry, I broke the ice already by sending this to both of you. So you can just jump right into it. You're welcome.
Send me the picture of my mugshot, my boss got arrested last night and I'm trying to make her feel better.
He shit in a sock dude, you can't come back from that
I figured out why her friends always say g is for god when she leaves with someone. She wears a double g cup bra
Neat. I'm thinking about growing a handlebar muffstache. What are your thoughts on this?
They're frat boys at heart and have sickly, dusty, rotting souls.
Best part about losing weight and not fitting into your pants any longer? They come off quick for chipotle emergencies.
my sex drive just dried up, fell out, and is rolling on the floor somewhere.
A dozen fresh-baked cookies delivered to my dorm AND I don't have chlamydia or gonorrhea... Could this night get any better??
My ovaries melted while we were talking. I almost told him I would suck his soul out through his dick
That would be a memorable parent teacher conference for sure
It’s just a penis. It’s like every other penis except it’s not the one you’re married to. Ride it or don’t ride it, but don’t agonize about it
Your not going to hell because you need some strange and the neighbor noticed you look damn good in a bikini
Randomize
