I hate having morals and standards the next morning.
he started yelling "squirt for me" then his girlfriend knocked on the door and told us to keep it down
i'm not really understanding how she couldn't figure out it was him
Just realized the guy is in my class. Unless there's another guy that had half his ear bit off at a St. Patty's party
figured you should hear this from me. Your refrigerator door is way broken. I opened it last night when i was drunk and tried to climb the shelves. i got to the one with the mustard.
No, but its not like diarrhea. i swear its like my intestines had a secret bank account and i just punched in the right pin.
Maybe it's the vicodin, but all I wanna do is hunt wild hogs.
You were saying you didn't want to go home and insisted that I drop you guys off at your uncles. That's how you ended up sleeping on a porch with two dudes
THEY NOW HAVE MIXED DRINK EMOJIS! LIFE IS GOOD! PRINCESSES DON'T DRINK BEER
I will always make you feel special and slightly offended. That's my job.
i know you're upset so i should probs be supportive but i've got nothing in that department. your life suuuuucks
Me too...I'm driving to work trying to figure out if I put my pants on the right way.
Drinking and decided to streak in the apartment fountain. Canadian goose shit and sharp rocks on the bottom. I sobered up quick. That was a very bad idea.
No you just wanted to pass out in your hallway because your room was too far away
I think I'm the first girl to break a bed with a guy, without even having sex with him while doing so.
That 2-CB was ass.
You mean the asprin cut with pez?
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