I cheated on you last night. I slept with my laptop.
fyi, take the long route to the library. the "can i be your baby daddy?" homeless man migrated back for winter
It's not kidnapping if it's romantic
I have a sudden craving for National Treasure 2. THIS IS WHY DRUGS ARE AWESOME
If you can't do the LSAT hung over. You can't do the LSAT. That's the real practice.
The problem with having your drunkeness documented at a wedding is not only does it show up all over facebook, but all over professional photography websites.
who knew that if you vomit while skydiving the puke goes up towards the people that are behind you.
I learned an important lesson this weekend.... I'm way to good at sex to travel for it. From now on he drives here...
I'm too hungover to crawl to the fridge so im eating the candy nipple tassels I got bought for Christmas
This dude has my number from April last year. Drunk me left sober me a puzzle. No confirmation of pants off business
I bet yours is gonna be filled with secret innuendo.
secret innuendo and cervical punches to the world.
I came to the conclusion that Tinder and having the day off are not good for my relationship.
I should probably eat a Plan B. Pill for breakfast. Happy Halloween.
She wanted to get out of there before you guys woke up so she wouldn't let me find my underwear. Lol So I apologize to whoever finds that in your room.
A guy who takes a plate of chicken tenders away from us is not to be trusted or slept with
Randomize
