I hate your face
I just saw a midget ride by on a scooter...wearing a bowtie and a helmet. My life is complete.
this is two weekends in a row I've been the pantsless girl at the party. I love my social life.
They are providing beer and having a margarita machine. This cannot be passed up.
This went bad. Everyone is crying, i dont know why and I am really uncomfortable.
Just asked my dog if he was proud of me for making it home. That drunk.
Um please remind me to tell you what happened tonight. It involves wine, pain killers and firing a handgun in our apartment. Legit might be hiding from the cops this weekend.
I'm gonna do some tripping... In the direction of balls
I didn't punch him it was just love coming out of my fist
Here's to not getting arrested this year on thanksgiving again. Cheers bitches!
I just want to sit in my tub, drugged out of my mind, and watch the green lantern cartoon while the world as we know it ceases to exist outside my bathroom door, Okay? Is that REALLY too much to ask?
He asked if we were going to take advantage of his drunken state. When we said no he tired to show us what we were missing out on. It was so sad it almost made him cute.
Details are irrelevant. Come bail me out of jail.
That's just how I roll. I drink, then tell people I'm either not wearing underwear or I'm training to be a stripper.
He sided with his father, so I slashed his tires. I’d say that’s a fair trade.
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