i feel like barbie the morning after an elton john party
totally just realized while washing my face that Cetaphil looks like semen.
i made it my goal to pee in the sink of every apartment we went to last night. i didnt use the toilet once
we found him in the shower with a bottle of jose saying "this is Mexico's fault"
oh man. maybe i should puke on his dick? just to test how much he loves me?
FYI I just found your friend. Asleep. In. My. Kayak. In. Pool.
I think I should advise against you hooking up with a guy that throws "the shocker" up in all of his pictures on facebook. Just sayin.
Did you ask me to bring you a t-shirt to class or did I just dream that?
No, I did. It's a long story.
There are days when you go to throw something in your bedroom trash can and realize the only things in there are a used condom, a Lime-arita can and a muffin wrapper.
I think when Jesus turned water into wine it was a sign that we should get drunk off Sangria tonight. Do it for Jesus. He died for your sins.
You are the only lesbian I know that needs plan b
i love it when bitches who pick on you in high school get fat. thank you facebook you have made my day.
Shower wine is way better than shower beer.
Firstly: alligator costume is happening anyway. But I'll see what I can do about the balls.
U just kept yelling her vagina wasn't a priority bc u had a bowl of cheerios calling your name
Randomize
