Oh My! A car just drove by me a splashed me with a wave of water. I am drenched and soaking wet!
I am sorry--all I heard is that you are wet.
you're kinda like the weird girl from The Breakfast Club after the makeover. i mean you're pretty, but you're still weird as fuck
the semester is winding down: time to procrastinate by googling cheap keg options
You never go ass to mouth. That's quite possibly the most important rule Paramedic school has taught me.
party gras won. party gras always wins.
Standing in my kitchen eating choc chip cookie batter from the bowl. As sad as it is, I kinda like the places bad breakups take me.
Just took last nights make up off with a sock. That hungover.
Dad was on the deck drinking straight bourbon. He stopped, puked on his feet, and then continued drinking and talking about compound interest.
The 78 year old woman who works next to me divorced her ex husband, remarried her first husband, and retired all in one day. I'd say it makes your breakup on Valentine's day pretty insignificant.
You threw up in a empty pizza box at Pizza Hut and opened the door with your face. So that maybe why it's bruised.
She said I had a really great aura. Which I think is hippie code for "I bet you can give me a mind melting orgasm"
I tried to be mean but not so mean that he won't bone me next weekend
I have 3 vacation days left and I'm guarding them like a gay dragon on a pile of gold dildos molded after celebrities.
Smaug the FABULOUS
He climbed on the counter and announced it was time for something called The Cocktacular and all the girls immediately left. He cockblocked the entire fraternity!
Legit just looked at the gin bottle and said, “Aw fuck, I’m going to feel this in the morning.”
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