did you know they have Ed Hardy school supplies at Target? it's like folders and notebooks for little douchebags in training.
I think you should know he took my pants (buttons and zippers included) and my thong off with his mouth alone. I found my husband
a queef is a wish your heart makes.
I just had teddy grams, ritz crackers, and twizzlers for dinner. Hello, end of the semester.
My boyfriend texted me as I was texting some random hookup from last night. His text: "Morning baby" My response: "Your cum is in my hair"
Tonight that bitch will not be with him. You will drunkingly talk him out of this wedding. It is your duty as the one with the least amount of soul. Good luck.
I'm fighting fire with fire. When my parents interrogate me about what I was doing last night, I tell them the truth. Every disgusting, awkward detail. I'm 23 now and they need to get used to it.
Used my phone to vibrate 'eye of the tiger'. It's like Rocky is punching my nuts, but gently.
I was woken up in my old house by the new residents ... I don't even have a Key anymore
What am I doing with my life
Sleeping with dudes who have peacocks apparently.
he had a beard, sexy nerd glasses and kept referring to his penis as 'this dick' its like jesus was saving my perfect match for my prime
So I couldn't find Leif..... He fell asleep in our closet upstairs trying to get changed into warmer clothes
I just wrote a self loathing message to self, wrapped my credit card in it, put it in an envelope, sealed it with another hate messame, and put it in my lock box. So. That's where I'm at.
if i had an alexa it would be saying “have sex with guys that don’t care about you”
right after that u started calling me g-force and started trying to bellyslide down his drive way
Randomize
