so there is either a lot of blood or a lot of wine in the shower....
One huge ass giant mistake followed by celebatory shots and coors lights thats my day in a nut shell
Thanks, girl! That means a lot. I can't wait to share my jail stories with you over salad and cupcakes.
Hey dude this is some next level no homo shit but im gonna get 2 tickets to the opera and go Hail Mary on this one girl. U take the extra ticket if i fail.
I think that's why god made me a woman. Bc it's harder to slap people in the face with a vagina.
Handcuffed our DD to a naked stripper don't think he will try to sneak out
He can pick locks you know
That's the reason for the naked stripper
I don't know if we can compare high school reunions anymore. The keg stands started before 7.
I'm just opting for alcohol abuse, ramen and cuddling with my dog for now.
I apparently pulled his dick out at the bar and started yelling "DICK PICS IN REAL LIFE!"
True friendship: When you can hold your best friend's hair and still eat your Stromboli at the same time.
Also I just took the BEST ass selfie of my adult life.... it's gonna be a good day haha
My sister just poured me a dbl Ciroc on the rocks and said "the ice makes it festive." Honestly what a role model.
My history professo slid into my DMs. Granted I did give him “fuck me” eyes during a lecture a few times.
Yeah come over whenever. Weed gets here at 8.
I'll be there at 7:59.
Yoooooo, the fat magician married the chick I dumped a beer on after I got pissed he was flirting with her in front of me
Randomize
