she called my cock the "semen sword" and then we invented a position called excalibur
is it mean to send ur x his condoms back because they are too small for ur new boyfriend?
Used tampon in my purse. That from you?
i just sold back the books i vomitted on
Living well is not the best revenge. Fucking his brother is.
Had to have a serious talk with my liver and remind it that it is my birthday weekend and there are three more nights like last night ahead of us
please just be careful, i just switched my facebook status to "in a relationship", i would look really pathetic if i had to change it back to "single" already
and thats when we got a drunken mammogram in the middle of cvs pharmacy
The only way I could get him to agree to hook up with her is telling him I'd hook up with him next week.
Let's discuss options later this evening. I'll draw out said options and compare and contrast the "accessibility" of the costume for quickies. Because you never know. Halloween is full of surprises. I'll also compare practicality, level of skank, and creative features.
I have no idea why I said that. I have no idea why anything happened last night, I broke my toaster making a egg. I'm going to quit drinking.
I haven't been sober in 4 days.
Then be sober
No.
When we missed a fist bump and simultaneously did the Rocket Power handshake I knew I was going to blow him.
I have photo proof.
Girl, don't care. What's my rule? If I don't remember it, it never happened.
How long do I have to listen to him talk about the chickens before telling him I just really want to fuck? Note: it's already been twelve minutes.
Randomize
