Court Ordered Rehab!!! Do you think I'll need a swimsuit?
She came to work with 6 additional layers of make-up, playing every Nickelback song about explicit teen sex, and with a dozen twinkies she bet she could finish without chewing any. I'm investing in a rape whistle.
and he thought i came like four times in 2 mins. my leg just kept cramping up
if i hear one more christmas song, i will fucking shoot myself.
Baffled as to how I'm gonna get 150lbs of sand out of my basement.
We stole your phone last night, texted your brother and told him you wanted it up the ass by him. All he said was "I want ur money."
She broke both of her ankles trying to jump off the balcony. it's like every time she drinks she makes even more impressively bad decisions than the last time
Bc when the owner of your local gay bar and a drag king ask you to take them to a rival gay bar 2hrs away at 4 in the morning YOU GO.
Our first order of business as new roommates was to test the sex acoustics of our rooms. I need a new box spring.
She's licking the whiskey out of the carpet. I think we may be soulmates.
Taco Bell is giving high school kids free tacos STEAL YOUR BROTHER'S WALLET I'LL BRING THE WEED.
Do you have feelings for this penis?
Dude, you ever snap awake on the toilet at work with that panicked, "How long have I been here?!" feeling??
So I justmade it back home and was greeted to a squirrel in my dorm... Last time I let my friends rent it out for a party.
She really wants to hug you. With her vagina.
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