3.50 mugs at the bar.
Nah man, im with an ugly chick. Im waiting til everyone's drunk enough tonight, they don't notice.
How ugly, and does she have friends?
im insabelyl wasted and diont know if ill yexyed tou. call me
Goal for tonight: Make one last drunken mistake for the semester.
I woke up wearing nothing but his lifeguard whistle..
I still don't understand how I went from crying to blowing you in like two minutes.
He thought I was flirting with him but really I just needed someone to hold me up.
she was masturbating to a video of herself masturbaing. She's a keeper
Its not low standards. We're more of like a self esteem camp for average girls
Also I think my taxi driver may have just died and we just happen to be on a 35 mph cruise control on 395...
Hes wearing a shirt that says warning shitshow and i cant help but think his attorney made him wear it so ppl know the dangers.
Whatever happend to that lawsuit where he got sued for shittig in that fish tank
I found a body half wedged into my bedroom wall this morning. How do I explain THIS to the carpenters?
I just woke up drenched in beer, in a puddle of beer, and cuddling a bottle of tequila
the cop said "drunk and disorderly" like it was a bad thing
My "birthday sex" consisted of approximately 25 seconds of him going down on me in the shower.
He’s going to a lawnmower race. I got a Brazilian and he’s racing a lawnmower race. Pick me up. I’m not wasting this waxing on John Deer
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