I was eating out this girl yesterday and when I finished, she asked me if I wanted to take any home with me. She was serious, dude!
What does that even mean?
got some bad news about ur virginity. she didnt make it thru the night
It's sad really how 5 am brings with it a distinction from drunken to pathetic.
I think we need to find a happy medium between fried food and dicks. This could end badly.
At a St Pats house party. Just raised $110 for two short chicks to crawl into a dog cage together. Video forthcoming. Respect.
Where was your thought process?
Drowning in my hangover.
My password hint says "not sunset, also facebook." i need to stop doing computer things while high. I will never figure this clue out.
My dream had 1 penis and 2 pizzas in it. Priorities?
Well I'll be shitfaced all day the 4th in honor of this great nation... but I'm down for drunken camping/nature fucking on the 5th
Almost caused a huge accident on the highway because I was distracted by how orange the road barrels were
Why can't I come over and snuggle you and make you lick my boots
What is your friends name that I hooked up with? ....I think j found his credit card under my bed
There's a rash on my genitals that would like a word with you.
Well I finally got to say all the things I wanted to say. Including telling him he looks like a naked mole rat
I was 40 minutes late to work today because I was getting fucked. Walked in to discover that it's apparently performance review day. Employee of the year.
Randomize
