...she just doesn't genetically have the things I want my kids to have.
Woke up in a closet. I'm not drinking till summer.
So I used the "I've never cummed from a BJ before" line last night.
And that worked?
9 for 9! Not only does it give them a goal but they have a sense of accomplishment afterwards.
This girl is drinking wine and watching grey's anatomy in the library during finals week. I hate comm majors.
I just randomly started counting the number of guys that I've hooked up with that are now gay. 11.
I can't make this stuff up. Your ex is singing I Will Survive on the karaoke.
Just so you're aware, tomorrow is "Slow Clap when you see Mike" day.
We left an ass print on the piano.
Yeah, I probably scared him away when I drunkenly told him we'd have beautiful children
Its like her house is inhabited by 50 year old lesbian water color artists with a throw pillow fetish
You screamed at oncoming traffic , "five dollars to punch this guy in taint!".
wrestling a boy for fruit? sounds suspiciously like foreplay...
He asked me if I've ever had my ass ate and there was no polite way to say yeah your brother's pretty in to that 😂 I went with "no"
Tell him you want to lick his face. Didn't work for me but might turn out better for you idk
How is it that I can make it to my 8am Friday morning still drunk after passing out the night before...but not to my 9am on Tuesday that I went to bed early for? Irony or karma?
Randomize
