fine then we can just have courtesy sex i definetly won't like it
His apartment number was 69. I had to.
To drunk to make oatmeal. I'm pouring it into my mouth and gargling it with beer. Ive made maple brown sugar bud light
She said, "awww, you're so sweet" after I started putting on a condom. How many STDs have I just contracted?
God loves me. So high, craving Jimmy Johns chips, looked down, unopened bag in front of me. Still doesn't feel real
Well apparently I decided it was easier I piss in the trash can at waffle house than In the toilet. Would've been ok if the trash can was in the bathroom.
He was supposed to visit me tonight but he decided to stop in Tacoma so now I'm sitting on my bed naked eating oranges and candy corn while I watch Parks and Rec.
Now I have to hook up with him tomorrow DURING THE DAY.
He hasn't texted me back since last week when we sexted. I think telling him I wanted to choke him with chains was a bit much for our first time.
If a girl called me a promiscuous philandering Casanova, should I say thank you?
Most definitely.
I can feel your movements against the shared wall we are leaning up against. It makes me feel as though we are one. Queue Pocahontas song...
This is the beginning of the end. Testicle Tuesdays and free ball Friday are going to scar people for life
Dude that picute of your balls will haunt my nightmares
Easy Mac and you are the sexiest things in my life
He used the term 'cock-staggering' in an email. So needless to say things are going pretty well.
I don't know where I'm at. But I'm pretty sure what I'm looking at is a small bear.
hey, i didnt think i could be this stupid either but you dont see ME getting all judgemental about it
Randomize
