We fucked twice, I went to the bathroom to freshen up, and came back to him playing "Your Body is A Wonderland" on his guitar naked in my bed.
I mean come on, he's the best quarterback in the state and doesn't even know how to put on condom
You're getting a blowjob this afternoon. This has been your morning public service announcement.
I am thinkingif I am doing snow Angels in your living room, I probably had too much to drink
yo btw licking skeptical coke off table right now
He walked in at 7am saying that the police had his shoes and phone because he's being investigated for attempted auto theft.
Some guy is here using a taser on people. I'm up next
you said I shouldn't try to fill the void in my meaningless life with dicks but i am trying and it totally works
I don't think it's food poisoning, I think it's cause you cooked it over burning styrofoam
I should probably stop recommending my dentist to the different guys I'm seeing. That could be awkward in the future.
I got with him in my watermelon costume so ya you owe me $1
Working nightshift means its never too early to start drinking- and you can quote me on that
Do you know how difficult it is to snap a good dick pic while driving?
I could be the Kenny Powers of Sex Therapists.
We broke into a construction site had sex on a scissor lift and realized it was a church...tomorrow again??
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