I have said "that's the wrong hole" for the last time.
So instead of cumming in her, I peed in her...
What did she do!?
I didn't tell her...
I'm drinking in the hospital parking lot.
Check if I'm alive tomorrow. If not, tell my parents I died happy and that there's a gay cheerleader in the spare bedroom
know what turns me on? long, stringy hair on a pasty looking girl with an overstuffed backpack and kneepads over her jeans in case she falls off her scooter
your less of a man for seeing that
Surefire way to sober up: discover that your car is being towed at 2 am.
and then i signed some dudes back with a turkey hand print in honor of thanksgiving
Third base with a 7ft basketball player last night. Fingers like a champ. I call him Edward Penishands.
Some days, I wish I could get a hug from a furry muppet
i just had to ask the gas station attendant what state i was in... winning at life.
im in missouri by the way.
taking shots alone in my kitchen before I go learn to give a lapdance. when did this become my life?
God damn. You sleep with one 40 year old married dude and suddenly you have “daddy issues”. Fuck all of you.
This morning we had sex while he was wearing a full length fur jacket and sunglasses... I wasn't even phased
My life is over, I got a mugshot while wearing a shirt that said 'milf hunter'.
Girl behind me in line at CVS was getting impatient then outta nowhere blew up shouting that if she didn't get her plan B soon she might be a mom and that if we couldn't tell she'd be a horrible mom
Randomize
