...seriously? chocolate pudding? motorboating? No one has even done that to ME and i am 69 times the whore you are
So you really have to stop introducing me to girls and afterwards saying "he has his dick pierced" let them find out for themselves
What's the appropriateness of putting a 50 cent lyric in my gmas eulogy?
He yelled "juice on the loose", yes i am sure i need plan b
i think the penis that was inside of me changed my life
Pretty sure the girl next to me in Chipotle just came out to her mom.
Apparently my downstairs neighbors don't much appreciate it when I do drunk aerobics at 3am on a Wednesday...
Think I pulled my pelvic muscle.
I think I pulled my ashamed of myself muscle.
Definitely need to find a less healthy bootycalls. All this bitch got in her fridge is feta, English muffins and wheat grass. What the fuck can I make with that???
Found 2 Coors, problem solved.
Why were you eating a hot dog in the bathroom at 230 am?
My roommate was sleeping, I thought it would be rude
Are the transvestites working the counter tonight? Last time I was there they gave me love advice.
We hooked up for a while and on his way out he high fived me and said "stay weird"
He skipped an important family function with his dying father to fuck me. Terrible human, amazing fuck buddy.
Something I never want to forget. I'm in a porta potty and she is outside knocking on the door going "You're a queen. You're a queen. Never think any different"
dude kate found out i cheated and busted in while i was taking a shit. I was cornered, nothing i could do
so drinking tonight?
Be there in 15
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