Yeah, but I'm out of licorice and there's no way anywhere near here will rent us all mopeds on a Tuesday night.
Charles is a playa. And I don't mean the spanish word for beach.
He's having a heart to heart coversation with the keg about what he should do with his life.
I have vodka an food stamps. At some point today, that will undoubtedly turn into jello shots.
so i may have indirectly taught my 13 year old campers how to give blowjobs.
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawnmower thinking of you
Dude, seduce him with cookies. You almost turned me gay with scones. Don't be surprised when they get you laid.
After my date left I rallied and took the Asian girl home. Flexibility my friend.
I fucked him on my yoga mat. Then we wake and baked and ate granola. So yes, you could say I found my center.
I danced with a french guy who licked the sweat off my neck and poured a drink on me. Not gonna lie, that shit was refreshing
She shows up drunk at 3am for sex and then punches me straight in the eye in the middle of it because "you're too nice."
Halloween: the only night of the year wheee the more high I get, the more it compliments my makeup and outfit.
Today I learned that when you lick a mans butthole, you get wined and dined at a nice french restaurant.
gonna stay in tonight
and im a platypus. shotgun a beer and get your dick to this party. ive got some hot friends visiting
My vagina is the only part of me that is pleased you lived through last night.
Randomize
