careful when you do the walk of shame, they are handing out bibles on campus
he kept kneeing me like he was playing footsies... only then i realized it was his dick.
Her tattoo has the intellectual profundity of snakes on a plane except you can't laugh.
Well the bottom line is that I had to completely coat my testicles in Neosporin.
Best news of the day: the hot chick at the funeral was NOT related to me... Thank god
I dont know about you but I'm not getting out of bed this summer for anything but food or sex
Coming to you live from the floor of my office..
Are you drunk? Because I am and if you're not, this may be very awkward in the morning
Thats for me to know and you to find out.
Bullets don't scare me. I wish I was a coyote
Dude we smoked with a bunch of random stoners in a forest, then group hugged. It was the most magical thing we've ever done.
He was so fat that he broke two of my ribs
Maybe it's time to stop screaming I'm a chubby chaser every time you enter a drinking establishment
Happy Halloween!! Last Halloween we spent together you got brought home in a shopping cart
WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU
MANY MANY THINGS AND MOST OF THEM ARE YOUR FUCKING FAULT
How does it feel to date your dad?
I think this Canadian beach volleyball player might be my soulmate. We could check each other's shoulders for melanoma.
Randomize
