Rocking a Headband at the strip club, because of Rock of Love this shit is like their kryptonite, I smell like stripper butter and back child support.
I am about to be in my happy place. (the shower with a 6 pack)
We were hooking up and you crawled into bed with us, because you had lost your phone and didn't "want to be alone at a time like this."
Worst night here by far. And ive slipped in my own piss so thats saying something
My mom woke me up in a bubble bath this morning.
Little boy scout stared at me with judgmental looks while I bought 3 bottles of liquor but refused to buy popcorn from him
Oh you know..Chillin with your dad.
With a fannypack full of drugs.
Omg have I shown you my skeezy ex fiancée?
The other one.
If I had a penis, I'd want to put it in you. And I'd treat you with respect and pay for your drinks.
Can I chase this vodka with an onion?
Yeah plus that night got so disgusting it's basically a repressed memory anyway
I threw up in my brother's Easter basket
Just had a smooth transition from sexting to buffalo chicken dip 😂😂😂
Your skills amaze me
I just had a flashback to me puking and you telling me it was okay because my boobs still looked awesome.
I was simply suggesting that you really should try coke bondage sex.
Randomize
