I just saw a man vacuming his front lawn. What is this world coming to?
And then he asked the cop "shall i shut off the lady gaga?" as he was being frisked.
Ricky Martin is gay. You owe me $10 from 3rd grade.
How could you not be happy? Its like "and then I found 5 dollars" but "and then I found a handle of vodka"
It was her first time with a girl so I put on my tegan and Sara playlist to really get the full experience.
It's been decided..lingerie is an investment. You get free breakfast and cab rides out of it.
the ladder is at the bottom of the pool
I figure that my generation of my family needs an alcoholic. I'll take that burden.
I never woulda thought that back in kindergarten playong kickball that'd i'd be 24 getting plastered in front of the white house and winning a kickball championship in a young adult drinking league
Idk dude but he said something bout his "dick was gonna be so tan" then he jus jumped out of the car
There really needs to be a redbox for wine because I want some but too lazy to walk into a store
I see your creepy poodle photo and raise you a shirtless elderly gentleman who looks like a yetti in cutoffs who may or may not have an ENORMOUS erection.
.... touche....
Just learned that the cute guy I've been flirting with at the beach this whole time is actually an inmate working in the community instead of being in prison.. My life is unreal
He was gone for 5 minutes, opened the car door and said, "Don't eat my shit." and dropped Chipotle on the passenger seat. He was gone for another 10 minutes and came back with Coldstone. That stoned.
It was pretty awesome. I drank out of a stein and attempted to dance to dubstep with some older guys in leiderhosen.
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