Currently having a discussion about how bad cheating is with the girl im dating and the girl im fucking. This might be a sign that i need to reassess my life
She's like Mona Lisa when she's intoxicated. No one understands her but they all think she's marvelous
She threw up all over when she was giving me dome. Not even gonna lie, it felt really good.
You fed me milk from the beer bong because you thought it would "Sober you up" .
Are you being sarcastic? I can't tell this time because you're in the hospital.
I might not remember all of last night but I clearly remember the part where I humped the mailbox.
Facebook stalking ex-girlfriends who went to rehab. This is my life.
The fact that there are multiple ex-girlfriends who have been to rehab concerns me
Im rolling face in a pizzeria. I want to be with people who love me.
A guy in the dance floor is raising the roof with an axe in hand. I love Halloween.
I was like can I please fuck your hips back into realignment
I woke up and discovered I gave new meaning to the term "pizza pockets" yes it's exactly like it sounds like
we should definitely drink gin again. soon.
the bright side of moving is at least my Tinder options will refresh
Sitting naked, eating lucky charms with rain boots on
If you think me talking about that hot guy accepting my LinkedIn request is pornographic, I’m not sure how you’re gonna feel when I tell you I fucked a stranger on a park bench last weekend
eating pizza to get the taste of dick out my mouth wby
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