all I know is if I don't watch spice world right now there will be a firefight.
...., I just tried brushing my hair wothh a toothbrushg. fail
ps not my toothbrush awkward.
I woke up from my nap, looked out my window, and saw about bout 6 people get tasered in less than 20 seconds.....could someone please tell me what's going on.
Said he made a playlist for taking a shit. only two songs on it are the Star Wars theme and "America, fuck yeah" set to repeat.
So where are we on this whole, you write my paper...i do sexual favors situation?
At one point I went looking for you and found you handcuffed to a chair. I'm pretty sure you handcuffed yourself. I don't know how you got there.
Kegstand on crutches, you need to get on my level.
Listen. I don't care if its "nontoxic" im not putting it in my fucking vagina.
I can't tell if the dead thing in the yard is a deer or the guy I slept with last night...
Just sitting here contemplating the meaning of life.
So you're drunk waiting for the bus.
Ya know, one would think a restraining order would keep me from fucking my ex.
Like your dick isn't Beyoncé, it doesn't get close ups
Scientific fact: if he makes a face like a demonic dog when he's fucking you, makes it easier to fuck without feelings.
Have you ever gotten such awesome underwear you wish you didnt have to wear pants?
Dont care about too tired for sex, thank you for leaving your laser pointer. I have now determined both my cats are stupid.
Randomize
