his prince albert piercing just severely cut the roof of my mouth. can you pick me up at the hospital if he drops me off?
guess who just trotted in eating her oats and wagging her penis
she looks like stephen colbert with that blond wig he was wearing last night.
I just found a bagel and a condom in my coat pocket. I love blackouts
i offered her breakfast shots. she politely declined.
She got tired so now we're making anyone who has a stupid idea go into her bedroom so she can sleepslur "good idea" or "baaaad idea." We're calling her the queen of the misguided.
what are you going as for halloween?
drunk, naked, & emotionally unstable
If drinking had a "new high score" I think I hit it this weekend.
he showed me his third nipple on the first date. I might have low to no standards, but my god.
I fell into the fireplace. That is a pretty good sign to stop drinking fireball
he's been 21 for 38 minutes and he's already trying to fist fight this dude over his girl
awwwww babys first drunken mistake
I passed out in your bed last night...there maybe a snickers and twix bar under your pillow
color coded lube a great way to organize my bootie calls
I think my life is a one-way ticket to blackout city.
our moms work together...I can just see the conversation now, hey your daughter ruined my sons marriage, that's probably how it will start.
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