She said I was really immature but whatever...oh by the way we just bought a toilet and turned it into a beer bong so come over
In these economic times, linking arms taking tequilla shots with your boss as an underage girl is the best job security I can think of
So random guy from last night came over tonight. I told myself I wasn't going to sleep with him but he had some killer dirty talk and a big penis in his arsenal...what was I supposed to do? Supposedly he lost his virginity to his wife and since their divorce a year ago I'm the 1st girl he's slept with, I feel like I just re-took his virginity...I feel like a rockstar.
Blew in her face. She is Pissed. Yahtzee. As she brushes her teeth.
and then he said "my sister has the same underwear!" please come get me.
No. Please No. At first it was cool when you started bring an extra girl home for me but after 2 cycles of clap medicine I'm putting an end to it.
Never underestimate the healing power of vomiting and a bath.
A monkey stole my iPod. This was not in the fucking study abroad brochure
He poured the shots. We did them together. I cheersd him out of the shower
I just laughed at the word pudding. I have no idea whats going on right now.
Dude, we tried to feed you but you just started sobbing and ran away
Like I actually don't feel all that great but the fact that I'm not projectile vomiting at work makes life seem so magical
I just sneeze out a chunk of leftover pickle I threw up last night. dont you try and tell me your day is going worse
So after we found out he wasnt throwing up blood in was just hawaiian punch and we all failed breathalyzers the cop drove us around like a taxi and brought us back to the apartment
High school drama coach is wasted and wanted me to tell you that I’m good at flip cup and you should be very proud of me
Where the hell are you
Randomize
