Going to a jewelry store high is not a good idea. I look like mr.t's wife.
Did you hear me? I HAVE THE CONTENTS OF AN NBA PLAYER'S CONDOM IN MY BEDROOM TRASHCAN!! This shit is potentially worth millions of dollars to a fertile young female who is ovulating. How do I sell it fast??
Free tacos and bad night are never used in the same sentence
Matt you can be anything you want to be. Including the awesome guy that brings pizza to a bunch of stoned and sorta drunk kids.
you're usually drunk when you offer. there's one time you called me, told me not to dye my hair red, and asked if i wanted to see your tits.
haha all our friends are at the carnival and I'm on stage dry humping a 40 year old
So. Somehow managed to fuck my contacts out of my eyes. Didn't know that was even possible.
Drove by a guy getting road head, midday on O Street. That could be us, but you won't let me in your pants when you drive.
It looks like I jerked off a rainbow.
Giiirrrllll. Back to back snaps of dicks. Two different guys sent me their dick at the same time. This is totally what our founding fathers meant with life, liberty, and the pursuit of happiness.
I just unmatched him. If your Thirsty Thursday only consists on the gym then I am not the woman for you ✌🏻️
So, I ran into Garrett last night in the laundry room.
Oh really? First post break-up run in. How'd it go? Awkward?
Um. We had sex on a washing machine.
I'm hungry and horny. DEADLY COMBINATION.
Booze, boobs, blunts and batman. dude, I'm livin' the life.
So how do I tell him I've been sleeping with his wife too?
Randomize
