We named our party play list daddy issues
You tried to call the hospital and left a voicemail asking if you could be put on the liver transplant list as a "pre-caution"
I just don't have the heart to tell my mom you peed in our washer machine last night.
Someones car got stolen, everyone is yelling, and im drunk just sayin yeah buddy over and over again
Just a heads up: The party is Fourth of July themed. Spread the word
dude its may
Work with me here, man.
I have pictures of you scratching against the sliding glass door on your knees screaming how you felt like a lamb.
Just had that moment when you realize the two drunk women shoving all their money down your clothes were your middle school teachers...
If we order a pizza and I contribute 9 cents, is that fair?
We were debating whether you had hooked up with him. I was right for the record.
I feel as bad as you right now. I'm about to use one girls car to go see another one
Fuck ya. But normally I drove one girls car picking up a different girl while texting another girl lol
Just saw a couple chasing each other on lawn mowers. Oh South Knoxville.
I managed to get through my meeting without throwing up in someone else's office, so there's that for an accomplishment today.
I have photo proof.
Girl, don't care. What's my rule? If I don't remember it, it never happened.
I would go disguised as someone he didn't have premature ejaculative sex with but I don't know if I could stay in character.
I hope you know, that by sending me a cat meme back, you've entered in a cat picture battle; which never has an end in sight.
The duel has begun.
Randomize
