Marriage: a sacred union between one man and one woman, and another woman in Argentina.
I wish I was that guy from the miller light commercials so I could walk into parties and take peoples beer without getting yelled at
I didn't realize he wasn't circumcised... it looked like the Unibomber...
FYI angry masturbation is not as cool angry sex
At some point last night was I riding a garbage can.. Things are starting to come back to me
If I don't have herpes this will be the single greatest day of my life
He has a landing strip. I repeat he has shaven himself a landing strip. HELPPPP!
deryk tried to steal your screen door and i think sam and brent are duct taping lauren to the diving board.
ok. can u leave the new roommate a list of instructions for me? like what i need to be fed and when i need to be exercised?
Corn dogs constantly. And all.the time
Those people having sex on the beach kept looking over at you guys throwing his shoes at the seagulls.
Did you know there's no emoticon to really tell you that I just consumed a magic brownie?
I knew my sign language would come in handy. I just used sign to coordinate a coke deal.
I ate the last cupcake. I'm sorry. It was in the refrigerator mocking me. So I ate it. And it was glorious. But I'm sorry.
There's a video of you almost falling asleep in a bar stool listening to Jimmy Buffett. Nekkid.
I miss the pre Covid days when we could meet men in bars. Hitting on guys in the grocery store is just depressing
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