we had that weird still in bed morning after conversation. Her dad is the vp of my company.
Today I realized that I've had whole drunk relationships with people. And sober me has and wants no part in it.
Bel-fucking-mar, this place has more popped collars than a Hollister catalog
dude are you gonna smoke tonight? my day was shit and I wanna get high
worker bees can leave....even drones can fly away....the queen is their slave
nevermind....I'm on the way
May or may not have found my way onto a stripper bus. To Chicago.
Security brought me back to our hotel room in a wheelchair last night. Vegas.
And if you ever tell anyone that I will fucking kill you.
You are in charge of making sure that her vagina explodes with joy tonight.
I swear my vagina formed calluses just to deal with how big he is
There are several different types of life sentences in my purse right now.
You know it's time to do the dishes when you take shots of water out of a sake glass...
And you wonder why you're always one of the guys?
YOU CANT FOOL THE TOILET
And to be fair, I think we all suspect that forbidden sex with an outlaw biker might be worth it.
I think I left my thong in your bed. Careful. It has the power to destroy the agitator on a washing machine
First non virgin Sunday. Bursts into flames.
You were in the back of the cop car and told the cop to ask me if I got laid. Youre a dedicated wingman.
Randomize
