I had so many friends before that round of Never Have I Ever.
She turned over and said "You smell like my dad, i just can't do this"
I just put a picture of what I imagine Rob's dick looks like on it on my vision board. thank you Oprah!
So I purposely left a bunch of metal in my pockets so that the smokin hot TSA officer would give me a pat down. Airport security just got fun
just saw a couple drunkenly stumble over to the family planning aisle of Walgreens. inspiring.
during charades she pointed to herself and you guessed 'girl who wants to fuck me'
Confidence is key. All I had to tell him is I'm drinking a bottle of wine and eating chocolate today to celebrate that I love myself. That's how you get a Valentine, my friend.
A "Tom-vomit" is when you puke but cough as it comes up, so you close you mouth as a natural reaction and the vomit is jet-propelled out your noise.
i got kicked out of McDonald's for demanding a margarita mcflurry
I just really wish I could go back and unsex him. Waste of my vagina.
Can you please stop having such an active social life? I'm tryna get fucked over here
You just missed an honest to god bukkake
Just learned that the cute guy I've been flirting with at the beach this whole time is actually an inmate working in the community instead of being in prison.. My life is unreal
I was trying to sext but got a notification that my dad and professor both commented on my Facebook photo. Bad timing.
Your participation in the democratic process makes me horny AF
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