This girl added me on fb and has all these pics of her kissing her little brother saying i will love you forever. I'm creeped out.
maybe it's her son
thats not any better.
Men with bald spots should not have mohawks. Just in case you didn't know.
dinner with the girl I motorboated last semester wasn't as awkward as I thought it would be
Oh right she's pregnant - that's why all of her statuses have been uber depressing
I spit up blood this morning
That's vegas.
We went into lab today and when no one was looking i touched our cadaver's penis!
I'm starting to have hip problems from having my legs spread too often.
I owe you 20 bucks. My blood work did show liver damage.
I give you full permission to fuck a rando on my air mattress.
You were telling me last night 101 proof was nothing and you needed 400 proof or better yet military or marine proof, because you're marine grade.... You rascal.
I'm puking in a turkey pan....
I can't handle dick pics with conversational captions
Just killed a snake in my bed! And by killed I mean hit repeatedly with my fist. And by snake I mean a lump in the covers. And I pissed my pants.
I took a vibrator for a weekend with my parents instead of a boyfriend. I obviously have my life together.
I just saw a chick driving drinking a juice box smoking all while on the phone that is talent
On a scale of having tea with Ghandi to the apocalypse how bad of an idea is it to drink with a 100 degree fever?
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