So are we goin out tonight?
Dude, we woke up in your car in some parking lot last night...
And that was fun, wasn't it?
wait so...it's like an actual thing to masturbate using the detachable shower head? WTF I thought I was being creative!
They're drinking Schnapps out of Spaghetti-o's cans. Please come pick me up.
Woke up in a closet. I'm not drinking till summer.
woman puking in liquor store parking lot at 9:30 on a tuesday morning = best commute ever.
Pre-game strategy: play thunder by yourself in the shower. Surprisingly, success.
I found the perfect eye liner, it passed the blow job test, no smudging!!
He was using OnStar to get directions to the bar. I'm pretty sure he'd have gotten her number too if I hadn't disconnected the call.
despite the cops showing up at 8am, pre gaming groundhog day was my idea yet. and by pre gaming, i of course mean getting black out drunk by 7:30am
Only Jon could get an entire commuter train to chant "Ride! Jon! Home!" to get a girl in bed.
Either you got hacked or we need to have a serious discussion about sending penis enlargement emails to your straight friends and why you shouldn't. It sends the wrong message.
I left your tip in your mailbox. Last night was amazing.
Nothing says love like couples STD testing
Nothing says breakup like the results
...You tried to use your wallet to call her after you gave your cell phone to the cab driver as a "peace offering"
If your talking about a poncho I WANT ONE
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