So A**** bought my story about how my hickey was a bruise from wrestling
on one hand i'm glad that i'm not in trouble...on the other hand i realized that the reason i cheat on her is because she is so stupid
Is it proper Ass-Fingering-Etiquette to tell her u felt her poop or just pretend it didn't happen?
The worse part is i sent a text at like three that said i was getting head... Now i have no idea who's mouth has been on my dick
Ryan just walked out of his frat house with a case of beer, a 6 dollar bottle of vodka, and a pillow. He's good to go.
I walked into his living room and saw him watching the play-offs while eating tomato paste out of the can with a bottle of wine. I'm telling you to stop talking to him. now.
Xanax and allergy medicine look a lot alike when you spill them on the floor. Just saying that I still have allergies but I'm unsure if I still have legs
We can grow old together and our livers can fail together
The gay viking and his eqyptian 'queen' hooked up on our couches. They pushed them together to make a bed. Innovative, but awkward to come home from work to at 7 am.
okay i am so sorry that i pulled a knife on you last night but seriously that woman knows how to throw a party.
I do remember telling her that I was about to pass out soon and then hiding my pants under my bed so she couldn't take my wallet even drunk I'm thinking ahead
WHAT KIND OF SELF RESPECTING 28 YEAR OLD WOMAN WAKES UP IN A FRAT HOUSE?!?'
The cougar kind?
It was the hardest I ever came in my life and once I could see straight again I just looked at him and said "cool"
Well don't pass out under a Swedish flag and people won't make assumptions
Can you tell dad to stop liking and sharing porn on FB again?
If you were to to ask if I just hid 4 shooters or Jameson it my bra and panties the anwer would be yes, yes I did
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