It's true. Ladies love me because I'm so strong and they feel safe. Not because of my pseudo charm and their impaired judgement after several drinks...
yeah. and then it was like the room of requirement. the elevator just opened for our threesome.
there's chicken and sequins in our bathroom sink. part of me almost wants to know what happened
so I was at the house for 3min to grab my bathing suit & tequila. You know, the go-to weekend combination
He just tagged everyone he's slept with this year in a 'memories of 2011' tweet
I feel like a Europe failure cause I'm coming home from the club at 3:30 and so many people are just arriving... Wtf? 3:30am People! Drink earlier!
It's a Tuesday.
Why does my jaw hurt?
I may have punched you.
In your drunken glory you promised me, tongue, 12 naked pics, and 1,800 breakfasts.
In the ER with Chelz, I may have broken her ankle during sex. Lovely.
I told people at my moms bar that all I needed to sober up was to get my asshole licked, and I blame you 110%.
I feel as though my head has drastically changed shape
We will walk in fields of dick.
You seriously need to stop quoting those songs when i'm with my parents.
I bet I give better head than any other PTA mom.
I think he fucked my hip out of place.
You're my best friend, so I'm kinda scared to say this, but.....I kinda feel odd when I show up with you at your family events and I have banged or blown at least 3 people in the room
Randomize
