Funny thing- my attraction to each one is inversely proportional to his level of availability.
so he came on my face and then proceeded to say "that was just how i imagined it would happen"
where do you find these guys?
well, atleast the road to alcoholism is fun.
I totally need to blow more fat guys. His cum tasted like vanilla ice cream
Why are there maracas in the dishwasher?
If you're going to outback I'll have to decline, I've slept with a large enough portion of their staff already.
You walked in, sat down, looked at the waiter and said, "I'm only having deserts and liquor."
I HAVE MY OWN TITS FOR THAT AND I CAN GUARANTEE THAT THEYRE MORE GLORIOUS
She just told me her legs are numb and that she dedicated her karaoke of ice ice baby to her 4 month old son.
I'm all for hockey players but dude, he asked me to lick his chipped tooth mid-hook up.
We should probably feel disgusted that we took turns eating and drunkenly passing around a burrito the size of a small dog but i’m ok with it.
I'll have a whole suitcase of emergency bacon with me obviously
And if you haven't kicked a pigeon you haven't started your morning right
I watched one of the videos of you hanging from the rafters, and it is both violent and sexual in nature.
It's dangerous to be this horny at work. I'm gonna stain my desk chair
Randomize
